I have spent so much time recently thinking that I need to do some soul searching, that I appear to have clouded my own way. I used to feel passionate about all things creative, but recently I have lost enthusiasm. The reason for this? Simple. I haven't been surrounding myself with the things that bring me happiness.
When I started to lose enthusiasm for all things I take pleasure from in life, instead of doing more of the things I loved, I decided blindly I must be missing something and that I therefore needed to do some soul searching. I have been searching now for around 6 months, and I have come back with absolutely nothing. If anything, I have ended up getting further from where I want to be. I (for some unknown reason) decided that I should be spending my downtime out of work, learning more about the industry I am in 9-5 every week. Now don't get me wrong I am all for becoming the guru in your role, but what if you are one of the millions of people who work in an industry that isn't where you dream to be?
I can only think of two friends who are working in exactly the environments that they set out to be in, and only one of whom knew from when he was a child. So why is it that so few of us manage to work in the industry or environment that we dream of? Are we all afraid to try and make our dreams become our realities? I for one have spent pretty much my life not knowing what I wanted to be when I "grew up" (whenever that is... ) but I knew the type of industry, I may not have known the role, but I knew it needed to be something creative, whether that was through fashion, design, make-up whatever medium it took, it just had to be creative. So how have I come to work in a wealth management firm, working alongside stockbrokers? Now I don't want you to read this and think I don't like my job, far from it, I work with some amazing people and my role is extremely diverse every single day. But you can't compare financial markets to my love of looking at a pair of Louboutin's or a stunning dress from Alexander McQueen.
Are we conditioned from a certain age that we should just follow the path that we are blindly being led down? I have grown up in an extremely supportive family, always being told that I could be whatever I wanted to be. My problem was that I never knew. What I was blind to at the time is that there was a recurring theme, nearly everything I took pleasure from or wanted to take up as a hobby or study was creative. Instead, after my first few serious jobs (which happened to be finance related), I followed down a path towards the financial world that I never intended to be on!
I woke up one day and realised that I had lost this enthusiasm that I had always had, a feeling that I never thought I would lose. Not until one morning I woke up and just realised there was absolutely nothing I wanted to do with my weekend. I didn't want to read, I didn't want to write, sew, or film a make-up video. I realised recently that over the last 6 months I haven't really done or taken part in anything creative, and my inspiration and will to sit and write or film a make-up video had nearly all but vanished. Instead, I had been spending my downtime away from work reading about financial markets, studying for exams related to work, trying to keep up to date with relevant news articles. Instead of allowing myself to be my true self in the walls of my own home I was trying to mould myself in to having a passion to live eat and breathe finance. I thought that by trying to turn myself into having a passion for the financial markets I would be able to find the happiness that I had lost. How wrong could I be?
With the help of one of my dearest friends I have started to find myself again. She helped me to discover Ted Talks, and in turn some inspirational videos about how its O.K to be completely yourself. I watched two videos to begin with, all about being yourself and daring to dream of the things you want to do. Then two videos turned into 4 or 5 and then I started to do some searching on the internet for other videos on embracing the things you love and the parts of you that make you unique. And finally after 6 months of feeling lost, I feel like I am starting to find my way again. I just needed to reminded that we all need to do more of the things that make us smile and bring us joy. I have spent this weekend writing and reading for the first time in what feels like eternity, and I have spent more hours on Instagram looking through fashion pages and putting together outfit ideas than I care to admit!
So why are we not all pushing each other to embrace the things we are most passionate about? Wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone encouraged another human being to just be 100% themselves and not worry about what others may think? Or worry about not getting the housework done for one more day.
I'm challenging you to take time out one night in the coming week to spend it solely on something that you are passionate about, maybe its a craft, or music or maybe you're a movie buff but there's one classic film you've been meaning to watch but haven't. Whatever it is that gets you enthusiastic and you have a passion for, make more time for it in your life. I promise it will make you happier not just in the moment but it will help to lift your spirit. I know that I have been fairly grouchy recently and in a bit of a funk. But what else did I really expect to happen if I just dropped everything I was passionate about. My spirit took a little bit of a kicking but I am nurturing it back to its previous level and hopefully more so.
You can't manufacture passion (as I discovered) it's this feeling you have when you take part in certain things that you just can't get from anywhere else. Whatever that is embrace it, add more of it to your life. We are all too quick to focus on our livelihoods, and as I said before for millions of us that isn't doing something you're passionate about. But would one evening this week really ruin your schedule if you took it out to focus on something that gives you that true happiness all the way to your core... probably not.
A long post this time I know, but just think of it as 6 months of passion which has been M.I.A finally returning!
You can dream as big as you want to, don't let anyone tell you you can't. And if you really dare to dream why not picture yourself making your passion into your everyday job... then you're onto a winner. As my friend and my Mum would say, you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to.
xoxo E
