Raw Emotions

Several things have happened recently in my life. Things which have evoked raw emotions. The kind of emotion that you don't come across very often in your life (especially if you aren't a particularly emotion person on an every day basis).

All this raw emotion of course lead to me thinking, how often do people feel raw emotion? And are there many people who allow themselves to feel it whole heartedly?  I am very in touch with my deep emotions and can very much keep them in check. However not so good at my surface, everyday emotions, and sometimes struggle to keep these in check - I have a rubbish poker face!

But how do all the people who don't allow themselves to feel raw emotion cope? Do they constantly shut things away and say that enough is enough and that they aren't going to allow themselves to feel anything?

I have witnessed traumatic situations, dealt with heartache and felt the dull numb that you get when your world feels like its falling apart. So what keeps us going? Another set of emotions, the ones that I like to cling to and elevate on a daily basis. The emotions that will always trump the trauma, the disbelief, heartache and pain. - Hope, love and joy. There's a reason why we do things and there is always a feeling that we have that spurs us on. It's the hope that things will get better, hope for things to become what we dream of, hope that tomorrow or next week or next year are going to be our year. Love for the people around us, love for our talents and passions, love of life and all that it brings. And of this of course will lead eventually to joy & happiness.

If you, like several people I know at the moment, are reading this and feeling the first set of emotions, pain, particularly if you are feeling numb then I promise you it won't be too long until you feel hope again. You have to get through the pain to come out the other side. It is always darkest just before the dawn. Find the one thing that sets your soul on fire. That passion that makes you come alive, hold on to it, cherrish it and use it to spur you on. And on the days where you don't feel positive and you are struggling to see past the pain and upset, turn that into your fuel to move forwards and make a difference. If we never move forwards we would never grow as individuals. How could you ever be the best version of yourself if you didn't grow?

I heard a wonderful saying that I will live by for the rest of my life. People are like mirrors, its always the shattered ones with all the cracks that reflect the most light.

Our hard times, upset and cracks are the things which make us an individual and give us our own story. The people who have been through the most traumatic of things who have slowly pieced themselves back together often make for the best individuals that you will ever meet.

So next time you experience blinding heartache or numb pain as your world falls apart just remember broken mirrors always reflect the most light back into the world.

.x.

Decisions & Relationships

How do we ever make decisions about opportunities, or things which we deem are needed? Perhaps you're a list maker (I definitely am), or perhaps you are a fly by the seam of your pants type of person? Does your tactic change depending on the situation that you are presented with?

And once a decision has been made and you have or are living with the result of your choice, how do you judge if you made the right decision? Again is that based on a feeling? Or do you logically assess your rationale and qualify the outcome as being correct?

We are all unique, no two people are the same. We each have our own personalities and perceptions of the world around us - something which we are all guilty of sometimes forgetting.

The reason all of this has surfaced as a thought and a subsequent blog is due to an anniversary in my life of a controversial decision. One that divided the people who were in my life at the time. There are times in our lives where we need to make decisions which won't be popular but that we have deemed as needed, by which ever of the above tactics you used. But how do we make others see that there is a reason behind this, one that is so important to you that it really does matter, so much so that your heart and soul need it?

I would like to say that I am a selfless person (its a trait that runs in the family). Not completely selfless, I have never cut my hair for charity or done anything overly extreme for the good of others (I take my hats of to those who do). But we (the family members) can be selfless to those around us sometimes to our own disadvantage. So how, (when it doesn't come naturally) do you try to make someone understand that for just this rare occasion you need to make a decision that is solely for you? That's a hard conversation to have, and one that doesn't sit comfortably with the receiver.

If you have ever been at a turning point in your life such as this you will understand what I mean. It's the conversation that can divide people, to the point where you will find out who is really there to support you, and who was just along for the ride.

Also, once you have wrapped your head around all of the above, what do you do when someone from the past suddenly appears, or continues appearing intermittently and you don't know what to do? Do you make a list? Do you quantify the options? Or do you go with the heart - the one thing that pushed you to make a life changing decision in the first place?

Food for thought

E .x.

It's one of those days

Do you ever have those days when you just feel a little bit meh... no particular reason you just don't feel particularly amazing? I'm having one of those days today.

I have just had a week off of work and have spent the whole week chilled out, I think it's just the reality that tomorrow it is back to the normal manic routine! Also I have spent quite a few days looking at my living room thinking that it's not how I want it yet. But I can't decide how it will look for me to be completely happy with it! I need a desk that's for sure! I spend far too many hours moving books on and off my dining table and enough is enough. I need to just admit that I need to make a small home office / desk sanctuary! Therefore I am off to IKEA shortly to see what I can get to create a miniature office!

Other than that its just a meh day, not really feeling myself today. I seem to have lost all energy and motivation. 

You never know if the office turns out ok and I like the look of it I may post a little picture on here... we'll see.

I hope you are having a most inspired and happy weekend than me!

E .x.

Lets Kick Start 2016!

Another year has begun and I am going to kick start it as I mean to go on. Towards the end of last year I felt like I was going to finally get into the swing of making YouTube videos but that didn't quite go to plan! I am now going to kick start the year with every intention of uploading one video a week, but lets face it even if its just 1 a month that would be a vast improvement on last years performance!

I will write another epic post with my updates for the year and a bit more of a heart to heart, but for now lets just get the plugging out of the way! I want to make my channel a little more like me, and true to myself so I am going to start uploading a little bit of all sorts! Here's the latest instalment to my YouTube channel sorry that this is one of these links and not an inserted box... for some reason my blog has decided that it doesn't want to play ball...

Anyway enough for tonight! Enjoy the video xx

Dream big, or don't dream at all.

I have spent so much time recently thinking that I need to do some soul searching, that I appear to have clouded my own way. I used to feel passionate about all things creative, but recently I have lost enthusiasm. The reason for this? Simple. I haven't been surrounding myself with the things that bring me happiness.

When I started to lose enthusiasm for all things I take pleasure from in life, instead of doing more of the things I loved, I decided blindly I must be missing something and that I therefore needed to do some soul searching. I have been searching now for around 6 months, and I have come back with absolutely nothing. If anything, I have ended up getting further from where I want to be. I (for some unknown reason) decided that I should be spending my downtime out of work, learning more about the industry I am in 9-5 every week. Now don't get me wrong I am all for becoming the guru in your role, but what if you are one of the millions of people who work in an industry that isn't where you dream to be?

I can only think of two friends who are working in exactly the environments that they set out to be in, and only one of whom knew from when he was a child. So why is it that so few of us manage to work in the industry or environment that we dream of? Are we all afraid to try and make our dreams become our realities? I for one have spent pretty much my life not knowing what I wanted to be when I "grew up" (whenever that is... ) but I knew the type of industry, I may not have known the role, but I knew it needed to be something creative, whether that was through fashion, design, make-up whatever medium it took, it just had to be creative. So how have I come to work in a wealth management firm, working alongside stockbrokers? Now I don't want you to read this and think I don't like my job, far from it, I work with some amazing people and my role is extremely diverse every single day. But you can't compare financial markets to my love of looking at a pair of Louboutin's or a stunning dress from Alexander McQueen.

Are we conditioned from a certain age that we should just follow the path that we are blindly being led down? I have grown up in an extremely supportive family, always being told that I could be whatever I wanted to be. My problem was that I never knew. What I was blind to at the time is that there was a recurring theme, nearly everything I took pleasure from or wanted to take up as a hobby or study was creative. Instead, after my first few serious jobs (which happened to be finance related), I followed down a path towards the financial world that I never intended to be on!

I woke up one day and realised that I had lost this enthusiasm that I had always had, a feeling that I never thought I would lose. Not until one morning I woke up and just realised there was absolutely nothing I wanted to do with my weekend. I didn't want to read, I didn't want to write, sew, or film a make-up video. I realised recently that over the last 6 months I haven't really done or taken part in anything creative, and my inspiration and will to sit and write or film a make-up video had nearly all but vanished. Instead, I had been spending my downtime away from work reading about financial markets, studying for exams related to work, trying to keep up to date with relevant news articles. Instead of allowing myself to be my true self in the walls of my own home I was trying to mould myself in to having a passion to live eat and breathe finance. I thought that by trying to turn myself into having a passion for the financial markets I would be able to find the happiness that I had lost. How wrong could I be?

With the help of one of my dearest friends I have started to find myself again. She helped me to discover Ted Talks, and in turn some inspirational videos about how its O.K to be completely yourself. I watched two videos to begin with, all about being yourself and daring to dream of the things you want to do. Then two videos turned into 4 or 5 and then I started to do some searching on the internet for other videos on embracing the things you love and the parts of you that make you unique. And finally after 6 months of feeling lost, I feel like I am starting to find my way again. I just needed to reminded that we all need to do more of the things that make us smile and bring us joy. I have spent this weekend writing and reading for the first time in what feels like eternity, and I have spent more hours on Instagram looking through fashion pages and putting together outfit ideas than I care to admit!

So why are we not all pushing each other to embrace the things we are most passionate about? Wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone encouraged another human being to just be 100% themselves and not worry about what others may think? Or worry about not getting the housework done for one more day.

I'm challenging you to take time out one night in the coming week to spend it solely on something that you are passionate about, maybe its a craft, or music or maybe you're a movie buff but there's one classic film you've been meaning to watch but haven't. Whatever it is that gets you enthusiastic and you have a passion for, make more time for it in your life. I promise it will make you happier not just in the moment but it will help to lift your spirit. I know that I have been fairly grouchy recently and in a bit of a funk. But what else did I really expect to happen if I just dropped everything I was passionate about. My spirit took a little bit of a kicking but I am nurturing it back to its previous level and hopefully more so.

You can't manufacture passion (as I discovered) it's this feeling you have when you take part in certain things that you just can't get from anywhere else. Whatever that is embrace it, add more of it to your life. We are all too quick to focus on our livelihoods, and as I said before for millions of us that isn't doing something you're passionate about. But would one evening this week really ruin your schedule if you took it out to focus on something that gives you that true happiness all the way to your core... probably not.

A long post this time I know, but just think of it as 6 months of passion which has been M.I.A finally returning!

You can dream as big as you want to, don't let anyone tell you you can't. And if you really dare to dream why not picture yourself making your passion into your everyday job... then you're onto a winner. As my friend and my Mum would say, you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to.

xoxo E